Rocky Horror 2016

I said I would watch it before judging it… here are my findings.

A straitlaced, square couple, seeking shelter from a storm, find themselves in the castle of a transsexual alien mad scientist intent on creating a buff bodybuilder.

My overall thoughts.

Did Fox destroy the Rocky Horror Picture Show? No. Because you can still watch the original any time you want to. They wrecked nothing except their budget on this horrible farse. You know, some years ago, VH1 wanted to do a remake of RHPS and the fans wouldnt have it. We were up in arms, and the reaction was so bad that they pulled the plug. Fox, on the other hand, did it anyways.

Read my thoughts below, but i encourage you to make your own judgement.. I mean, it’s on broadcast TV, it’s not like you’re paying for it.

The Performances:

• Laverne Cox as Dr. Frank-N-Furter – A Scientist
  • Though I’m sure she did her best, Laverne Coxs portrayal of Frank lacks the most basic of likability. Leaving me with no empathy for “her” fate. I really couldn’t care less that she gets killed at the end. Her singing was stiffled… seeming to be afraid of waking someone up in the next room.. no passion. And dare I say.. No Soul.
• Ryan McCartan as Brad Majors – A Hero
  • If the director’s instructions were to act as if you were reading cue cards for the first time… loudly, you got it spot on. But, somehow I don’t think that’s what we were striving for here. This singing wasn’t bad, but I’ve seen more believable performances in primary school pagents.
• Victoria Justice as Janet Weiss – A Heroine
  • Not too bad, the singing was nice.. acting was OK for the most part, but there were moments were she just seemed bored.
• Staz Nair as Rocky Horror – A Creation
  • Though only 25, he looks way too old for this part. Acting was.. goofy, but I suppose Rocky is supposed to be a little off. Singing was pretty good.
• Annaleigh Ashford as Columbia – A Groupie
  • Oh boy.. ummm.. lathargic is the only word I can think of. Columbia has traditionally been portrayed as bubbly and energenic, but Annaleigh’s performance was just dull, stunted and honestly looked like she was on on a heroin downer. But, she did show a lot of energy in the “Floor Show” scene. At least her Jersey accent was good.
• Adam Lambert as Eddie – Ex Delivery Boy
  • Why was the best performance cut so short..
  • Adam’s portrayal of Eddie was really good, and his version of the “Hot Pattootie” song, though different from Meatloaf’s, it was likable and toe-tapping
• Reeve Carney as Riff Raff – A Handyman
  • Emo-Riff Raff.
  • His performance during The Time Warp was.. pathetically bad. When he sings “I’ve got to keep control” it looks like he’s going into an epileptic seizure. And in the finale, he wasn’t menicing at all, no bravado, just seemed weak and uninspired.
• Christina Milian as Magenta – A Domestic
  • Really not much to go on here as Magenta isn’t really a character who’s out in front. With that said.. the one scene she has was done all wrong. “I grow weary of this world! When shall we return to Transylvania, HUH?” is supposed to be angry, frustrated.. she’s sick of Earth.. but Christina says it so subserviantly and without energy. Spoiled a potentially good scene.
• Ben Vereen as Dr. Everett von Scott – A Rival Scientist
  • This was my character when I did a shadow cast.
  • He made it his, and it was different.. but, not really bad.
  • However… The costume was ridiculous. Donald Trump has a better head of hair than that really bad wig.
• Tim Curry as The Criminologist – An Expert
  • He flashes a “peace” sign up to the audience as if to say “Yes, hello, it’s me”
  • I have to be honest and say that, I would have preferred to remember him pre-stroke.
  • I’m sure he did his best, given the circumstances. Most of the physical work, was provided by…
• Jayne Eastwood as Tim Curry’s assistant
  • Doing all of Tim’s physical work, like turning the pages of the book, doing a little dancing during the time warp scene, etc. No speaking involved.. I suppose she played her role. But there was no acting to speak of.

The Songs

• Science Fiction/Double Feature – Ivy Levan as Roxy, the Usherette
  • OK, I liked it.. I thought the trip through a theater, showing the original posters was a good visual for the song, and Ivy Levan sang the song well.
• Dammit Janet – Victoria Justice & Ryan McCartan
  • The song was performed well enough, however the change from the original scene was.. weird. Instead of singing infront of, and eventually into, a church was replaced by singing through a graveyard, while a funeral procession (made of the “Transylvanians” in disguise) zig zagged through the headstones.
• Over at the Frankenstein’s Place – Victoria Justice, Ryan McCartan & Reeve Carney
  • Not too bad, to be honest, with the noted exception of Reeve Carney‘s performance. It really looked like he was taking a massive shit while having his balls hammered at the same time, while being completely unable to hit Richard O’Brien’s high notes.
• The Time Warp – Reeve Carney, Christina Milian & Annaleigh Ashford
  • While the singing was OK, the actual dance number was a complete slap in the face to all the RHPS fans.
  • There was no point, in this scene, where they actually did the Time Warp. This was a completely new, and bad, dance choreography set to a modern version of the classic song. As noted above, Riff Raff looks like he’s going into freaking convulsions. The dance is all wrong. And Annaleigh’s tap dance was a joke.
• Sweet Transvestite – Laverne Cox
  • Oh my god, can someone please direct Laverne to “Blacks without Soul” ? Seriously.. No elevator for the intro??
• Sword of Damocles – Staz Nair
  • The singing wasn’t bad, but the choreography really sucked. Frank is supposed to be chasing Rocky around, but there is no point where Frank can’t catch him.. I can’t even laugh at how bad it is.
• I can make you a Man (1) – Laverne Cox
  • Ummm.. ok I guess (Blacks without Soul)
• Hot Patootie – Adam Lambert
  • YES, though a bit different from the original Meatloaf song, this was probably the best performance of the entire show.
• I can make you a Man (2) – Laverne Cox
  • Should have started just as Rocky flexed, but they delayed.. nope, bad bad bad. Also (Blacks without Soul)
• Toucha Touch Me – Victoria Justice
  • Not too bad, actually. The singing was fine, though the choreography was a bit off.
• Eddie – Ben Vereen
  • Different, but not bad at all. The problem I had was with the scene itself. At the end of the original scene, we are aghast that our heroes have been actually EATING Eddie for dinner. But, in this remake.. it’s almost as if they wanted to skirt the issue, there’s no indication of the cannibalistic act. The corpse is intact. It made the shock of the moment fall utterly short of the entire point of the scene.
• The Floor Show (basically, everyone)
  • Rose Tint My World
    • Finally, we see some life from Columbia (Annaleigh Ashford) – everyone did a fine job.
  • Don’t Dream it – Be It
    • I’m sorry, but.. (Blacks without Soul) – really, we are supposed to feel something here, this is supposed to be an emotional scene.. Frank’s limelight.. but, geeze..
    • The pool scene was pretty good actually, they recreated a lot of the classic movie’s visuals.
  • Wild and Untamed Thing
    • Trainwreck, just an absolute train wreck of a scene. Laverne just can’t do this, i’m sorry.. it’s not a race thing, it’s not a trans thing.. she’s just not right for this.
• I’m going home – Laverne Cox
  • Blacks without Soul – nothing more to say.
• Superheroes – Ben Vereen, Victoria Justice & Ryan McCartan
  • I didnt’ buy it.
  • The performances in the finale just fell flat.

Some notes I made while watching:

• What the hell was with the band? They’re everywhere. During production of the original, there was a live band, but they were off camera. It really takes you out of the scene.
• When Janet and Brad are stripped.. I saw that Janet had Cleavage glitter. Really? they’re supposed to be straitlaced, uptight people.. I just can’t buy this.
• Why the hell was everyone Snapping instead of Applauding??
• The power reactor had boobs and nipples.. and Riff was actually twisting those nipples. WTF?
• Instead of a mountaineering pick, Eddie is stabbed and thrown through a window. There goes the “One from the vaults” line. Yup, it was replaced with “Eddie has left the building”.. sigh
• Hold It.. didn’t have an elevator for frank’s intro.. but they have one for a “Going Down” joke??
• The bedroom scenes were just painful to watch.. such over acting.
• Rocky humps the bed in his sleep. That’s just great.
• They mixed up Franks lines between Brad and Janet’s bedroom scenes! “On my Mother’s grave” is supposed to be said to Brad. “Cross my heart and hope to die” is supposed to be said to Janet.
• Ladies and gentlemen.. There is no Triple Contact Electro Magnet.. and no Dr Scott crashing through a wall..
• Wild and untamed thing. Brad is twerking
• Columbia’s death was a total joke. Really bad convulsing, like a fish flopping on land.

So, I saw it.. and it was almost as bad as we all predicted. You may disagree with me, and you have that right.